smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
