She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
