This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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