I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
