do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
