I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
