seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
