I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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