you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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