I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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