They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
