New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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