I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
