All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
this hospital has no fireball
Drunk is not a location!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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