Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
