My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize