this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize