If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
