So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
