My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
