i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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