Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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