Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
3 2 1 whiskey
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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