I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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