I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
