I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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