There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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