I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you win again, gameday.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
