Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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