just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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