so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
