I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i now understand why vodka
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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