there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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