i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
