Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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