My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
