Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
