I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
