U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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