i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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