Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
