I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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