oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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