And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
