So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
