the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize