he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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