So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
