First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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