You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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