he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
