My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
