I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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