Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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