Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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