I wish I only lived at night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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