I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
