O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
