Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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