I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
