If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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