This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
