i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
