No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
