you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize