What did we do last night that was yellow?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
