he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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