all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
