So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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