she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
