It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
